Saplings and Sunflowers

I had years of disappointing birthdays stacked up behind me. Birthdays where my husband didn’t get the right gift. Or he forgot the flowers. Or my family just pretty much forgot the holiday altogether. Years where no one really emailed or called or not as many people as I had hoped. Or the cake wasn’t right. Or no card. Or the card message wasn’t long enough. You get the picture. It was getting to the point where I was dreading my birthday because it just never met my expectations. Expectation is the death of all joy.  So, I decided to try a different approach. Instead of spending all of my time mourning about what I wasn’t  getting for my birthday, I decided to make my birthdays giving birthdays.   I have had some wonderful adventures on my giving birthdays. One year I decided to do some service by leaving flowers on the grave of my dear friend Lois Price. I accidentally locked my keys in the car and my old school phone had run out of minutes. Here I was, stuck in a ceme

The other night I was awakened by an awful feeling of sadness at an opportunity that I had missed through my own mistakes.  My soul ached when I opened my Book of Mormon to 4 Nephi 1:9 and read the words ``there were many cities which had been sunk…and these cities could not be renewed.”  The Lord seemed to be telling me that the opportunity was gone.  “No, please give me another chance.”  But I felt that it was now too late.  I prayed to the Lord with a spirit of sadness.  “What can I do now?”  And the words seemed to come: “Forgive yourself.” I have yelled at my children.  Made cutting remarks to loved ones.  I have offended family members.  I have lost money.  I have broken things.  I have gotten in car accidents.  But I think that the mistakes that hurt the most are the ones where I disappointed God.  Where he was counting on me to do something or to not do something and I let him down.  Those ones really hurt.  Because you never know what might have been.  And imagining what might