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Forgiving Yourself




The other night I was awakened by an awful feeling of sadness at an opportunity that I had missed through my own mistakes.  My soul ached when I opened my Book of Mormon to 4 Nephi 1:9 and read the words ``there were many cities which had been sunk…and these cities could not be renewed.”  The Lord seemed to be telling me that the opportunity was gone.  “No, please give me another chance.”  But I felt that it was now too late.  I prayed to the Lord with a spirit of sadness.  “What can I do now?”  And the words seemed to come: “Forgive yourself.”


I have yelled at my children.  Made cutting remarks to loved ones.  I have offended family members.  I have lost money.  I have broken things.  I have gotten in car accidents.  But I think that the mistakes that hurt the most are the ones where I disappointed God.  Where he was counting on me to do something or to not do something and I let him down.  Those ones really hurt.  Because you never know what might have been.  And imagining what might have been and berating yourself over missed opportunities can be the worst torment ever.


As I was in the middle of this prayer for some reason my mind became riveted on Jesus Christ.  And I realized that no matter how low I sunk, no matter how badly I did, I could try again and I could do better.  Because of the price He paid for me I could forgive myself.  I felt sudden and immense gratitude to my Savior Jesus Christ for second chances.  Not the same chances but second chances to have a good life, to be an instrument for him, to build something beautiful.


My former bishop’s father was the general manager for the Utah Jazz basketball team.  He said that coach Jerry Sloan felt that the worst players were the ones who missed a shot and let it affect the rest of their game.  I believe we are happier if we move forward with hope in your heart that whatever your past has been, God can make the future better and brighter than we ever imagined.


I love this quote by Jeffrey R. Holland:  “However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”


So, start over.  Try again.  Your story can still have a happy ending.  Forgive yourself.

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