Skip to main content

The Key to Creating Marital Unity: Couple Councils

 

One of us asked our son the other day what we did well in our marriage. He was ten and he paused for a minute. I started to panic as I remembered the many tense moments in our marriage. He then said, “You guys have councils together.” I thought that was interesting. Finally! One thing we do well. 



But for me, effective couple council time is an essential part of the glue that keeps our marriage strong. We have made a real effort on Sunday mornings to have a couple council where we talk about problems, goals, and the direction that our family is headed. It’s not always pleasant but it keeps us on the same page. It is honestly one of the highlights of our marital week. 

What do we do? We have a regular time for our council. Ours is Sunday morning. We usually have a notebook where we take notes on the council discussion. One of us is the note taker. 

We start with a prayer. Involving God is crucial to the success of this time. God helps us see things differently and he creates the synergy and moments of quiet inspiration that make these councils so valuable. 

We usually talk about each of our kids. There are a few children who get some special attention that week due to issues and concerns. We never have a week where we aren’t dealing with minor or major problems but that is the fun of parenting isn’t it? Sometimes we will do a “four facet review” which we learned from Linda and Richard Eyre at ValuesParenting.com. 

We look at each child’s emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical development. We talk about calendaring occasionally. We also have a family council session with any family members who choose to participate. 

We address issues of concern to both of us. Often this involves spiritual issues, balance of labor, finances, personal hobbies, trips, and projects. This can also be a time to bring up things you are grateful for in your spouse or little fires that we need to put out. 

We make assignments as we go along. During the week I like to look at these assignments and then we try to follow up at the next council session. This is crucial because if we don’t do this our plans never take off. We often end the council by reviewing assignments. We try to have a time limit and not go too much over time. After a quick assignment review, we close things up. 

This may seem like a simple practice but if we approach the council time with a humble, meek attitude I am amazed at the problems we avoid. Things flow so much better because of this weekly time together. So, good luck and let me know if you have any hacks for councils. I’d love to hear from you.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Character-Building Summer Reading List for Boys

  A Character-Building Summer Reading List for Boys I realized that I have been dropping the ball with some of my younger children and have not had expectations that they read the literature of the best and highest quality.  This has been reflected in their manners. If we want our boys (and girls) to learn kindness, honesty, and respect for others - where better than in the literature they read (and I lament the fact that many boys aren’t reading at all)?  Hopefully, we would not let our children eat a steady diet of junk food.  But are we as careful with the media that they consume?  Over the years I have put a lot of effort into studying book lists and also learning what great men have read.  Then I try to have these books available for my boys. I have taught my children to read using the Book of Mormon, and I consider that and the Bible the most important literature I will teach them. I have tried to read the Book of Mormon one time with each child: So...
Post a Comment
Read more

Some Thoughts on Preparing a Child for A Mission

I am just starting the process of sending my six boys out on missions.  But here are some ideas that I have gathered and have tried to implement over the years that might be helpful to others working towards the same goal. 1. Build a Testimony Hold your family scripture and prayer.  Hold family home evening. Make sure they know the importance of reading scriptures and saying prayers on their own.  Keep them clean and worthy to serve a mission.  But also let them make decisions.  Don’t force.  Give gentle reminders or use consequences when necessary. 2. Teach them to Teach others The best way to do this is to give them opportunities to teach in your own home.  Have them give family home evening lessons, Come Follow Me lessons or devotional messages.   3. Serve Others With Your Family When you go ministering, bring your child with you.  But more importantly look for neighbors and those in your community who need a helping hand....
Post a Comment
Read more

Forgiving Yourself

The other night I was awakened by an awful feeling of sadness at an opportunity that I had missed through my own mistakes.  My soul ached when I opened my Book of Mormon to 4 Nephi 1:9 and read the words ``there were many cities which had been sunk…and these cities could not be renewed.”  The Lord seemed to be telling me that the opportunity was gone.  “No, please give me another chance.”  But I felt that it was now too late.  I prayed to the Lord with a spirit of sadness.  “What can I do now?”  And the words seemed to come: “Forgive yourself.” I have yelled at my children.  Made cutting remarks to loved ones.  I have offended family members.  I have lost money.  I have broken things.  I have gotten in car accidents.  But I think that the mistakes that hurt the most are the ones where I disappointed God.  Where he was counting on me to do something or to not do something and I let him down.  Those ones really hur...
Post a Comment
Read more