The Key to Creating Marital Unity: Couple Councils

 

One of us asked our son the other day what we did well in our marriage. He was ten and he paused for a minute. I started to panic as I remembered the many tense moments in our marriage. He then said, “You guys have councils together.” I thought that was interesting. Finally! One thing we do well. 

But for me, effective couple council time is an essential part of the glue that keeps our marriage strong. We have made a real effort on Sunday mornings to have a couple council where we talk about problems, goals, and the direction that our family is headed. It’s not always pleasant but it keeps us on the same page. It is honestly one of the highlights of our marital week. 

What do we do? We have a regular time for our council. Ours is Sunday morning. We usually have a notebook where we take notes on the council discussion. One of us is the note taker. 

We start with a prayer. Involving God is crucial to the success of this time. God helps us see things differently and he creates the synergy and moments of quiet inspiration that make these councils so valuable. 

We usually talk about each of our kids. There are a few children who get some special attention that week due to issues and concerns. We never have a week where we aren’t dealing with minor or major problems but that is the fun of parenting isn’t it? Sometimes we will do a “four facet review” which we learned from Linda and Richard Eyre at ValuesParenting.com. 

We look at each child’s emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical development. We talk about calendaring occasionally. We also have a family council session with any family members who choose to participate. 

We address issues of concern to both of us. Often this involves spiritual issues, balance of labor, finances, personal hobbies, trips, and projects. This can also be a time to bring up things you are grateful for in your spouse or little fires that we need to put out. 

We make assignments as we go along. During the week I like to look at these assignments and then we try to follow up at the next council session. This is crucial because if we don’t do this our plans never take off. We often end the council by reviewing assignments. We try to have a time limit and not go too much over time. After a quick assignment review, we close things up. 

This may seem like a simple practice but if we approach the council time with a humble, meek attitude I am amazed at the problems we avoid. Things flow so much better because of this weekly time together. So, good luck and let me know if you have any hacks for councils. I’d love to hear from you.